"For what gives value to travel is fear. It breaks down a kind of inner structure we have. One can no longer cheat — hide behind the hours spent at the office or at the plant. Travel robs us of such refuge. Far from our own people, our own language, stripped of all our props, deprived of our masks (one doesn’t know the fare on the streetcars, or anything else), we are completely on the surface of ourselves. But also, soul-sick, we restore to every being and every object its miraculous value. When we are aware of every gift, the contradictory intoxications we can enjoy (including that of lucidity) are indescribable."
- Albert Camus
It has been a little over three years since I returned from my time abroad in Rome. As I write this post now, we are now in the middle of a global pandemic, which is hard and challenging, as traveling is not something on most of our calendars for the near future. Traveling is that much sweeter knowing that it will be a while until we're able to safely travel once again. Though some parts of my memory are foggy, the experience of living and studying in Rome, and the imprint it left on my heart will forever be there. So with that, I bring to you my much belated thoughts on what studying abroad in Rome taught me, and I hope that it finds you in good health and good spirits, friends.
1. I learned that I did not need to "find" myself.
Pre-study abroad, I genuinely hoped that studying abroad would help me find myself in a way that nothing before ever could. But as I learned, and contrary to all cliche quotes and movies, traveling doesn't always equate to finding ourselves. Overcoming obstacles and enduring, despite the hills and valleys, is what really helped me to see a different side to myself.
Finding ourselves often happens when we travel, when we’re surrounded by things that are unfamiliar and new. Things we have not faced before in our home countries. Discomfort and distance from the people, places, and things we have grown accustomed to leads us to discover parts of ourselves that have not yet been brought to the forefront. But those parts that we discover have been in us all along.
The challenges and setbacks I faced while studying abroad gave me the ability to realize my own strength and helped me to know myself better. Among them, these stand out the most:
- the language barrier. I didn't know any Italian prior to Rome.
- I was far away from friends, family, and my faith community.
- I explored Paris one weekend with a group of friends, but because we had some conflict, I decided to go and explore on my own instead. I didn't know any French besides merci and merci beaucoup. I couldn't read the subway map at all because there were a million subway lines. I ended up asking a subway worker in English and through gestures, and he answered by pointing to which line to take to get to the Louvre or Eiffel Tower.
- Public transportation was very unreliable and I wasn't very good at figuring out how to get to the sites we met at for our lectures in my Ancient Roman Civilization class.
- I had never really planned international travel in different European cities before. Everyone around me was going to Belgium one weekend and then Berlin the next. I didn't know where to start. I hadn't even planned on going anywhere else except places in Italy.
- I thought I had to travel with a friend or two for safety. I didn't trust myself to travel alone or to be able to make difficult decisions. This one also ties into the language barrier.
When I look back on the three month period, I realized that it was through ups and downs, trials and challenges that I discovered what I loved, and what I didn't. What I was capable of. What my weaknesses were. It was through lots of solo walks and subways rides and runs next to the Tiber that I was able to learn and grow. It was in moments of quiet contemplation and people watching and self-reflection while walking through a piazza or admiring a famous archaeological site or a church after class that I got to know myself in a way that I had never before. I was alone in a foreign country that I had never set foot in. I didn't really know any Italian at first. My world was turned upside down in the best way ever. Whenever I complained to my classmate about a problem that I was having or about how hard it was to get used to Italian culture, she would always say the same thing to me: "You woke up in Rome today! So live it up! Embrace it. You're in Rome, Italy!" (or something to that extent).
The line "find yourself" is cliche and often overused. I went to study abroad to “find myself” when all along, that strength, resilience, and wisdom was already within. I didn’t need to go far to learn this truth, but I'm glad that I did.
2. I learned that I enjoy being spontaneous.
I enjoy people watching and looking at flowers. I enjoyed having a more slow paced lifestyle for a few months. Sometimes the best moments are the ones in which you get lost, seemingly lose your way, or find out what your plans are once you get going. It really can be okay. I'm a planner by nature, but my time abroad taught me that the best memories in life can be the ones that you never would have planned for yourself if you had the chance. The best parts are the ones we stumble upon, or they stumble upon us. It's okay to head out without a destination, without a to-do list, without a goal. To this day, one of my favorite things to do is to go on a walk and just see where I end up. I owe it all to my time in Rome for helping me realize that, every now and then, this is good for my soul.
It's important to know our collective history, as humans who live on this planet. Europe is a good place to go to find history, literally right before your eyes. America is a young country. And everything we have, in one way or another, is from our European predecessors.
Luckily, in Rome, and in other parts of Italy, ancient sites are preserved well and new ones are discovered often, so you can see them with your very eyes and it all feels so real. It also helped that I took a course that made us memorize the temples and buildings and hills and streets that the ancient Romans had. Ancient Roman Civilization brought me up close and personal with so many places that I would not have visited or even known of had it not been a course requirement to attend lecture at the Baths of Caracalla or the Circus Maximus (yes, we really had lectures here!).
We don't walk very much where I'm from in the States. I didn't have a car for the three months I lived in Rome and I was more than fine. I found that I was able to see so much more and be more fully attuned to and immersed in my surroundings when I walked and explored on foot. So much is lost when you're in a car or a bus - although buses in Rome were a great way to see more and not run out of energy as fast. So many more details were salient when I chose walking as my mode of transportation. It actually rained so much my first few weeks in Rome that I had to buy a pair of rain boots. My Southwest and west coast self was not prepared for all the rain, haha. But it was still lovely to get to explore on foot, rain or shine.
5. I learned that there is more than one way to do things.
I learned that American values or ways of life are not the universal standard. But silly Americans and silly me, we think our way is the best, and everyone's way pales in comparison.
For instance, in the states, we buy things in bulk. We have giant refrigerators to store our groceries in. We can buy up to two weeks' worth of food at our giant grocery stores. We don't often eat things fresh. The Italian mindset, on the other hand, is to buy groceries right before cooking so that everything is fresh, and shopping multiple times a week. The refrigerator we had in our Rome apartment was tiny in comparison to a typical American refrigerator, and the grocery stores themselves were also rather cramped. But that led to fresher food and an appreciation for the ingredients that go into a recipe rather than saving time and being more efficient, but at the cost of taste.
Americans are also very busy people and we like things that can be to-go, or in European lingo: take-away. We want our coffee and food in huge quantities, and we want to enjoy it while we're on the go. I was pretty surprised to learn that in Italy, (also the original inspiration for the concept of Starbucks) it's frowned upon to drink your morning coffee too late after breakfast hours, and you're typically supposed to drink it at the "bar" (Italian for cafe) while you have a quit chat with your barista. You get a quick shot of espresso, and then you go about your day. You don't lug around a venti cup of cappucino around the whole day. Haha, what an experience that was to discover a new way of enjoying caffeine the way it was originally designed. I look back now and chuckle at how I was offered the option of a takeaway cup because the Italians probably assumed I'd want one. I also miss the coffee culture so, so much.
Just goes to show ya, there's more than one way of doing things. And maybe they are all valid.
6. I learned how to be okay with being outside my comfort zone, in a place of discomfort.
I went outside of my comfort zone in so many ways, but one of the most tangible ways was through painting. My roommate got me to sign up for a painting class that she had attended a few times and enjoyed. Our teachers were these two Italian brothers who had partnered with our program for a number of years and had taught painting to UC students for years. A huge part of my language learning actually came from these classes. I heard the terms "chiaro" "scuro" and "piano" for the first time in my life in a practical context (well, except for in music) and all of a sudden, the terms meant something to me. They took on meaning, when before, they were just terms from an art history textbook or just meant 'quietly'. I've always been a huge fan of impressionistic art, and Georgio and his brother helped me to create my first piece.
I think going out of my comfort zone also came in the form of going to a hot spring (Terme dei papi) a little outside Rome on a whim. The other one would be going to Athens, Greece also on a whim, with a group of guys from the program. Haha! There were so many other examples of experiences that brought me outside my comfort zone. But I'm grateful that I went and said yes to those experiences. It's only outside of our comfort zones that we can learn and grow and become.
No comments:
Post a Comment